"Looking for someone who can compliment me..."

The following is from a personal ads board online. It was posted today by "Karen," the woman who broke my heart last year:

"I am looking for someone who is strong emotionally and mentally. Someone who can take care of themselves but also enjoys when their woman does things for them. Someone who can support themselves and takes pride in the work they do. Someone caring and supportive and not afraid to show their feelings. Someone who knows how to communicate and likes to be social. Someone who is open minded and nonjudgemental. If this sounds like you email me so we can talk.

**Specifics**

Age Range: 32-38 yrs. old (could be a little flexible)

Race: Open but partial to African American

Appearance: Open but once again partial to men who are NOT thin and are bald

NON Smokers ONLY

**************************************************
About me....I am divorced, 32, white, No kids, live in Milwaukee, 200 pounds (thick)

Your pic gets mine"

So there you have it. She lied about the other garbage that she does when she posted her ad in September 2003, when she caught me, and now she's at it again. This is the same board that I met her on, and it's also the same board where, using a different name and profile, she advertised for her bi BBW swingers club that she thought I would never find out about. After I got over the initial shock of seeing her posting a personal ad again on the same board, I had to laugh at the content. Doesn't she seem so innocent and such an upstanding citizen? Isn't it noble of her to want "someone who is open minded and nonjudgemental"? Until you realize that she wants someone "nonjudgemental" so that when she does tell him that she's a slut who fucks strangers for kicks, instead of reacting angrily like I did, he will say, "That's ok honey. I understand. I won't judge you for lying to me and whoring around. I still love you." I'm sure that's what she would have loved for me to say to her. And because I cared for her so strongly, I almost did say that.

I have no idea how I'm going to handle the rest of this weekend knowing that the whore whose actions landed me in a psych ward for a week is advertising herself yet again. I realize that it's my fault for continuing to visit that singles website, and I realize that I wasn't visiting that site looking for a date myself; I kept going back there specifically looking to see if she would have the balls to come back there again. She did. I can't explain why I kept going back. I guess it's something where I felt like I was keeping tabs on someone I loved but couldn't contact, since she refused to answer my phone calls the last time I tried to talk to her, last summer. Since her swingers site is no longer at the web address that it was before, and since the bbwphotography.com website where she got those pics taken no longer exists, I thought going back to the site where we met would be the only way to keep track of her. But why do I have the need to keep track of her? Maybe I'm obsessed. I admit it. Maybe I am obsessed with Karen and will continue to be for a long long time. I don't know. All I know is I feel very empty right now knowing that she will have a boatload of big black men at her beck and call, and there ain't no way that I could be one of them because she won't let me back in her life now that I know the truth about her. And of course I wouldn't want to be back in her life now knowing what kind of person she is, but the part of me that still loves her wants to be there more than anything else in the world, and that part of me is screaming in agony right now.