Look, I'm not trying to deny my manhood and my nature, but my most recent trip to visit my girlfriend on New Year's ended with me begging her for a hand job and her obliging, and I've been battling the feeling ever since that I'm a pig for asking a virgin who's waiting to have sex until she's married to get me off. And it's got me wondering, why am I built that way where she and I can't have a petting and kissing session in her bed without me begging her to get me off? I feel like I should have been happy making out with my girl without having to have an orgasm. After all, she didn't ask me to get her off. She waited until after I left town. I feel like I should have had the decency to do the same.
Now, she didn't seem to be against the idea, I just don't think it was good judgment on my part. See, we had not been past first base before this trip. The last time I saw her in September, we kissed for the first time, and I couldn't resist tasting her neck, but that was it. And we had not discussed doing anything further this time. But because we wanted each other and missed each other badly, one thing led to another, and on the second day of my three-day visit we found ourselves topless on her couch utilizing her jar of honey. Then, an hour before she was going to take me to the airport so I could go home, she asked me to lay in her bed with her just to feel what it would be like. Eventually, we couldn't resist the urge to start dry-humping like teenagers. This got me so aroused that I asked her to touch my penis because I wanted to take the feeling of her hand home with me. Well, she rubbed it through my jogging pants, but I don't believe she ever intended to actually touch it. I was driven so crazy by her rubbing that I pulled my pants down so that she could touch it skin to skin. She didn't refuse, and not long after that, I came in her hand.
My problem is that I feel like an animal for pulling my pants down. I really don't think she expected to give me a hand job this soon in our relationship. I mean, waiting until marriage to have sex means another two or three years minimum, and I don't think she had plans to play with a man's penis before then. Like I said, she didn't disapprove, and she's been very supportive, saying that she wanted everything that happened to happen or else she would have stopped it. But I can't imagine after rubbing my penis and seeing how excited she was making me that she could have possibly turned me down once I whipped it out. I just feel that, knowing she has no sexual experience, I should have been more mature and waited until she expressed a desire to see or feel my dick. But no, my train of thought as a man was: "Ugh, I have hard-on, I gotta cum now, ugh..." I have had sex in situations where I didn't cum because I was so focused on satisfying my partner, so it's not like every time I make out with a woman, she's gotta get me off. But this one time, I feel like I was weak and didn't have any willpower. Well, at least I gained some more insight into why I have never made the first move in the past--I have always waited for the woman to take command and show me exactly what she wants in order to avoid this feeling that I'm a big fat ogre with no self-control.