Monday, December 31, 2007

The Most, Uh, Unique Christmas Gift Ever

My dad had been calling me and leaving messages almost every day back in September when I started going back to school, and I didn't have time to call him back, so he took it personally and began to do weird things trying to make me jealous like calling my aunt daily and sending money to her oldest son, who attends the U. of Illinois. He was used to me eventually calling him back so he could resume browbeating me about not keeping up with him more, but this time, I wasn't in the mood. So I had not talked to him since this past summer when Christmas rolled around. But he told my aunt that he would make a special trip out to my uncle's, where the family gathers for Christmas, and he would have a Christmas gift for me whether I wanted to see him or not. And oh, did he have a memorable gift for me, or make that clear plastic bag of gifts:

  1. A bottle of British Sterling, quite possibly the rankest dollar-store cologne I have ever smelled
  2. A disposable camera
  3. A 4-pack of AA batteries
  4. A Southwest Airlines napkin
  5. A picture of his mother, and not a glossy picture, a Xerox copy
  6. A Xerox copy pic of his brother
  7. A couple of handmade fliers for his band and/or his various other hustles
  8. $40 cash (complete with totally useless deposit slip, like I'm a fucking bank)
  9. And finally, an empty manila folder

I couldn't do anything while taking each gift out and displaying it for everyone except say, "Tonight, all of you thank your God that your dad is not my dad."

My girlfriend is here for the next couple of days to ring in the new year with me. There's no better way to get the taste of that Christmas out of my mouth. (Although out of curiosity, she sprayed that cologne in the air, and now that taste and scent may linger well into the new year after all.)

Happy 2008 to everyone.

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