The Gold Standard Of Bad Hygiene

Oh, the endless stories "Jacob" and I remember while shooting the shit every day. From grade school to high school to adulthood, we've come across some strange characters and had some crazy misadventures. Nothing too wild or weird. Not like ending up in a hotel room with "Ronnie," "Sarah's" daughter, her friend, and my 35-mm camera. (I'll tell that story another time.) A very short one that still made my tummy hurt from laughing was remembering this guy in high school named William Bell. Poor fella must have been living in poverty because he didn't just wear the same clothes to school every day, they were his Whitney Young gym clothes, which he had to buy freshman year because they were mandatory. Then he decided for reasons known only to him to write in black marker on the back of his shirt, "William 'Cool Papa' Bell...Can't Touch This Don't." Yes, he tried to use the M.C. Hammer line "U Can't Touch This" from 1990, but that Chicago Public School education tripped him up. He stank so bad that for Christmas one year, teachers and counselors pooled their funds and gave him a gift basket full of soaps and deodorants. Using the smell test, I gathered that he didn't use the products. Then there was the very popular rumor that during sophomore year he was caught jacking off under the lab table in chemistry class. With all of that, no wonder he wasn't very social. Wherever he is today, I hope and pray that he discovered the joys of clothing stores and Zest.