Wednesday, December 01, 2004

No Turning Back

It's official. On Friday, December 31, at 5:50P, United Airlines Flight 6885 will leave O'Hare Airport here in Chicago and go nonstop to Lexington, KY, and I have a ticket to be on it. I shall meet Jane at the airport and she will drive us ten minutes to a nearby Comfort Inn hotel, where I have reserved a room for two nights.

I am so fucking scared.

I don't know this girl from Joe Blow, I've never even seen a picture, and I'm getting on an airplane for the first time since 1990 to meet her? What the hell is my problem? Do I need love that much? Am I really that needy? And, most important, can I get a full refund on that plane ticket if I should come to my senses in the next thirty days?

Actually, I have no intentions of backing out now. I can't be wrong about every woman I date. One of them has to actually turn out to be human, right? And we speak every night, and every morning, and even when I call when she's not expecting me to, she always picks up the phone and talks and tells me how happy she is to hear me. So if she's a lying bitch like everyone else I've ever gone out with, she's doing an even better job of hiding it than Karen.

But I'm not turning back now because I can't live my life not trusting everybody. That's no way to go about living. I can't shoot down every opportunity that comes my way just because it might not work out. That's a good way to ensure that I grow up lonely and bitter, which I may still do anyway. But I have to explore the things and people that interest me, and just hope that things turn out happy in the end. Wish me luck.

A woman I dated this summer, "Sarah," would argue my opinion that everyone I've ever been with was a lying bitch. She may not have lied to me, I will admit. All she did was listen to me beg her to stay with me and tell her that she was all I had and all I wanted and that I would accept her in any way that she wanted, and respond by telling me that I never understood her and never will. Huh? It was a big mess, and I'll explain it in my next post.

Until then...

1 comment:

Cheeks said...

You will be just fine, sounds like you really care for Jane. Good luck and I hope you find true happiness and love.